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My apartment's living room after I cleared it out last Wednesday, September 30th.
(c) Colin Nisbet 2009
Today is the day I leave Cleveland. Excepting a potential next day return because I won't be able to pack all of my belongings into my Civic, I won't be back for a long while.
Three years
I came here a little over 38 months ago for the first time. The point was to quickly assess the law school, its international law program, the campus, and the surrounding area. The fact that my initial visit was right on the heels of my return from 500 days abroad meant a speedy decision was in order because law school, whether at Case Western Reserve or at the University of Iowa, would not push back its start date.
Three years on, I have a J.D. and am waiting to rejoin the "real adult world" when two things come to pass: I get notification I have passed the NY Bar and I go back into the military as a JAG Officer. Until then, I'm in an undefined area not plotted on any graph. There comes a liberation with that but also an uneasiness.
I still wonder if I made the best of all possible decisions by coming to CWRU. Until I decided to come to law school, I had a world of options at my fingertips. Or else the possibilities seemed endless. All that changed near the top of a hill in Mongolia when I decided that I would not travel beyond day 500, would return to the U.S. and decide in which law program I would enroll. This decision narrowed my options down to two: Case Western Reserve or University of Iowa.
When I returned to the U.S., I based myself out of Bloomington, where I had graduated 19 months before. Cleveland and Iowa City were equidistant from that town - approximately 360 miles - but they might have been worlds apart.
There was something intriguing about separating myself from the Midwest. I had grown up there and it inculcated in me its mores and sensibilities. Not that there is anything intrinsically improper with this area, it's just that I always craved more than what it seemed to be able to offer me.
While Bloomington was a step above everything surrounding it, it was still the Midwest. Iowa City seemed like another Bloomington but in a different state. An oasis in an otherwise seemly Midwestern state. More of the same.
Cleveland seemed like a locale both out of place and time. As far as my American experience went, it was unfamiliar and having just spent the prior near 17 months immersed in such, I couldn't help but crave it. The town was in decay. Its old industry almost nearly abandoned with its crumbling edifices dotting the cityscape, etching itself into everyone's memory. The people were diverse, too, and had a different way about them. Neither Midwestern nor completely un-Midwestern, this city was hard to define. Indianapolis had declined, too, but recovered and regentrified. But it remained largely segregated and not at all diverse - standard Midwest. Cleveland, with all its diversity and promise, remained mired in a sea of uncertainty. It is either a bellweather or a has been. Maybe it's something entirely different but only time will determine that.
In the end, I went with the unfamiliar. A friend I had made while on my long trip abroad told me she believed I was making the more courageous choice. True. But was it more savvy? Only time will determine that. Ultimately, my choice to go to CWRU was more sound because my focus was and remains international law. My law school's star has risen in that arena while Iowa's has plummeted. However, like most students interested in this particular field, my first job out of law school will not be focused on international law. Instead, I will be heading into the U.S. Army to serve as a JAG Officer (military attorney). Like most others joining those ranks, I will largely be handling courts martial in my four years - the initial commitment. Whether international law remains a viable focus depends largely on the job market and more so on me. Where I am in ten years both geographically and professionally will determine whether I continue on in that field. And then there are more personally intimate considerations such as the desire for happiness and starting a family at some point. These matters will either render the choice to come to CWRU moot or will vindicate it.
Where I was ten years today was a much different place. I was deployed to Bosnia with nearly six months remaining in country and nine months total before my active duty commitment came to an end. Law school was but one of many different ideas floating in my head and it certainly was nowhere near the forefront of future possibilities. I was much more interested in archaeology, languages, writing, traveling, and photography in those days. Some things change. Others do not. Still, the next big move was looming in my mind. I figured I'd work as a linguist for at least some time. But then what about getting my B.A.?
A mixture of random happenstance and deliberate selections on my part have gotten me to this point. I have an idea of where I want to be in ten years but that picture remains as foggy as the notion of becoming a lawyer was ten years ago when I was talking to a civilian linguist, who was enrolled in law school but taking a year off to work so she could pay off her debts as she went.
It's not that I'm not content with what I've achieved, where I've traveled, what I've seen, with the friends I've made. It's more about whether the choices I have made in the past three years, more realistically, the past eight years, have been optimizing my potential. Only time can determine that.
These are the things I am thinking about as I'm getting ready to pack up my Civic and head out to Indiana and from there to somewhere else and then somewhere else. |
| | Posted 10/5/2009 10:24 AM - 24 Views - 8 eProps - 5 comments
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